You’re not overwhelmed because you’re disorganized. You’re overwhelmed because you’ve conditioned everyone around you to need you, and now you can’t tell the difference between what’s actually urgent and what just feels that way because you’ve been standing rigid like a rock in the ocean for so long.

The 80,000 Tabs Problem

You know that feeling where your brain has so many tabs open that you can’t even remember what half of them are for? That’s not ADHD (well, maybe it is… women over 40 are often undiagnosed). But more likely, it’s just what happens when you’re a mom trying to hold everything together.

Here’s what makes it worse: there are times when you look back at your day and realize you spent hours on something that didn’t actually matter. And then the guilt hits. The shame of “I should have known better. I should have done better.” You should have realized you shouldn’t have spent so much time fixing that thing, organizing that drawer, or going down the rabbit hole of Christmas present research when you haven’t even generated the revenue to pay for any of it yet.

Sound familiar?

Why Moms Become “The Rock”

We don’t start out this way. In your twenties, you probably didn’t think, “If I’m not doing everything, nobody will love me.” You had friends, you enjoyed life, you figured out your goals and dreams without the constant weight of feeling like you had to prove your worth through productivity.

But then you have kids.

And suddenly, you become the rock. The thing everyone holds onto. The person who makes sure everything’s going to be okay.

Nobody necessarily asks you to be this. But you know they need you to be. So you do it. You stand rigid 24/7, even when the waters are calm. Even when it’s unnecessary.

The problem? You’ve conditioned everyone around you to need you. Your kids needed you constantly when they were born—you just answered that call without thinking. You lived without sleeping. You did things you can’t even remember doing now because it’s all so foggy. But you survived it.

And then you kept doing it. You kept doing and doing and doing until somehow it shifted from “I’m doing what’s necessary for my babies to survive” to “My value is in what I do.”

The Truth About Abundance and Overwhelm

Here’s the thing that makes this season so hard: you probably have abundance in your life right now. Kids you love. Maybe a partner you love (or at least one you know you love—you just need to make more time for them). Family or friends who are like family. Aspects of yourself you’re actually working on—self-development, self-care, all of it.

These aren’t things you want to say no to. You’re not trying to escape your life. You’re not miserable and desperately looking for a way out.

You’re just trying to figure out how to do all the things that actually matter to you without losing your mind.

The holidays with your kids? You’re doing them. The business goals you need to hit? You’re going after them. Eating healthier, being present, planning ahead, you’re not giving up on any of it.

But there are so many of them that they’re overwhelming. And when you try to do a little bit of all of them, you end up exhausted, realizing you didn’t actually move the needle forward in any area that matters.

The ROI Framework for Everything

So how do you pull yourself back from spiraling? You get ruthless about ROI—Return on Investment.

I use the FEE test for strategic planning, but it works for life decisions too:

• Financial: What do I want financially?
• Environmental: What do I want in terms of the people and things I surround myself with?
• Emotional: What do I want emotionally?

Then, for each thing competing for your attention, ask: What’s the actual ROI here?

And yes, I do this even with my kids. I know you’re thinking, “Dana, all time with your kids is a 10x ROI!” But that’s not true. Sometimes your kids don’t need you. They don’t care. They’ve got something they want to be doing anyway.

But sometimes, you know that ROI is real—they feel loved because you were listening. There’s value in that specific moment. You’re being thoughtful about it, because not all time spent with your kids is quality time. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Here’s a real example: Sometimes I go to the grocery store alone. I tell my kids to stay home. Why? Because the ROI on me getting 30 minutes to put in my AirPods, listen to music, and leisurely walk around the grocery store by myself is huge. My kids are old enough to stay home alone now, so the ROI on dragging them with me is basically zero.

It’s not personal. It’s just math.

How to Actually Prioritize When Everything Feels Important

When you’ve got too much on your mind, here’s what I do:

Pull out a blank sheet of printer paper. Not your notebook, something fully clean. Then write down everything on your mind that needs to get done.

Now ask yourself: What is actually going to give me the ROI I need?

If you have a business, this becomes critical. You have to ask:

• If I do this thing, will it help me make more sales?
• Will it help someone on my team do their job better?
• Will it actually move my business forward?

If the answer is yes to five things on your list, then you have to look deeper and ask: Yeah, but which one is bigger? Which one moves the needle more?

Because doing something that makes you feel productive but doesn’t actually generate revenue or forward momentum isn’t worth burning yourself out over.

Right now, I feel like I have four babies in my business. Four major projects all demanding attention at once, all trying to survive to toddlerhood. My actual kids (ten and twelve) are the easiest part of my life right now. (Seriously, these are the best years. Just keep them here forever.)

But those four business babies? It’s too much. And I’m only doing it right now because I’m catching up from a hard year and committing to some really big things. It’s emotionally hard. But I’m already in it, I want it, so I’m going to see it through, even if I cry a bit and lose some sleep.

The Hard Truth About Burning the Candle at Both Ends

You can burn the candle at both ends. I know you can, because you’ve raised a baby. If you got an infant to toddlerhood and survived that, then I know you’re capable of pushing through exhaustion.

But it only works if you actually know what you’re doing it for.

You have to constantly assess that you’re doing the right thing. Because if you burn yourself out doing a bunch of stuff that didn’t actually move the needle, it’s not going to feel worth it. And your body is going to keep you from doing it again, it’s going to go, “That wasn’t safe. That didn’t turn out well. Don’t do that anymore.”

So you have to decide: Are you already in it and you want it? Are you going to see it through like you did with your babies, no matter how hard it gets?

Or do you need to cut something down? Do you need to recognize that it’s okay to hand that baby off or stop worrying about that project for a while because it doesn’t need you as much as you thought it did?

What You’re Actually Capable Of

I wish I could tell you that being a parent was easy. I wish I could tell you that growing a business was easy, or that having a business and kids at the same time was a breeze.

Here’s what I will tell you: More systems and tools make it easier to make more money without more effort. But they don’t make leadership easy.

If you’re the CEO of a company, you still have a ton of responsibility on your shoulders. Just like having kids is a ton of responsibility.

But here’s the thing: you can handle it. You can take it.

And wouldn’t you rather have bigger decisions to make? Bigger impact to create? More valuable work to do?

Wouldn’t you rather be building skills that make your time worth more? That make the things you’re doing more valuable?

There’s no reason we shouldn’t be getting better all the time. We’re already workhorses—all of us moms are. We do so much. We do SO much.

So let’s focus that energy and actually change the world. Maybe just your world, which will ripple out. Maybe you’re going to change everyone else’s world too. Whatever version of that is true for you—you can do it. There’s no reason you can’t.

Pull Yourself Back

Whatever you’re spiraling in right now, here’s how you pull it back:

1. Ask: What are my priorities?
2. Calculate: What’s the actual ROI?
3. Decide: How do I prioritize based on that ROI?

And remember, it’s not personal. You’re just looking at the numbers and the impact. You’re being strategic about what deserves your energy right now.

If you had babies and survived that, and I’m not even talking about whether you did a good job, I’m just saying you survived it, then what could you not accomplish if you put your mind to it?

The difference is that when you have a baby, you have no choice. You’re in. That baby cries, and even if you’re exhausted and angry, you show up. You do what’s necessary.

So apply that same energy to the things you’re building now. Decide that there is no choice—you’re seeing this through. Figure out what needs to happen to make it work.

And recognize that you can’t do ten things at that intensity level all at once.

You are not alone in the way you feel. I want you to feel seen and heard. I want you to know how valuable and valued you are.

You’re amazing. You can do this. I know you can—because you’ve already proven it.

You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone

Look, you can keep trying to prioritize everything solo, or you can surround yourself with moms who actually get it. Women who understand what it’s like to build a business while raising kids. Who know the difference between busy and productive. Who’ll call you out when you’re spiraling and remind you what actually matters.

That’s what Boss Mom+ is for.

Inside, you get the tools (Daily Focus Board, 90-Day Planner, AI business coaching), the training (18+ courses on everything from content to sales), and most importantly, the community. Real mom entrepreneurs who are in the trenches with you, figuring out the same stuff you are.

Join Boss Mom+ and get instant access →

Because you’ve already proven you can survive the hard stuff. Now it’s time to actually thrive.